A CONTEMPLATIVE APPROACH TO FUNERAL PLANNING

It's expensive to die. Once a loved one dies, their family is faced with thousands of dollars in bills to bury or cremate their loved one. Part of our job as Doulas may be to help them find the most affordable option – with love and dignity.  

 

Once a person has died, there is a ritual that signifies the end of life, known as a funeral. It’s a rite of passage, just like weddings, bar mitzvahs, and birth. As we learned in Module One, Doulas can help dying people plan their funerals and assist with the ritual itself, once the death has occurred.  

 

When you think about a funeral, what comes to mind?  It’s likely that you’ve been to a funeral by this time in your life – what did you experience?

 

A Doula’s Role in Funeral Planning

Just like every industry, the funeral industry now provides many options for what happens to the body after death. And the choices can sometimes be overwhelming for the loved ones who are dealing with their own grief. Choices made while grieving can often be expensive choices. 

 

A Doula can help, first and foremost, by listening to our Client’s after-death preferences on how they want to be buried, interred or otherwise. We can communicate the dying person’s wishes to their loved ones before their death to ensure that all involved are of the same understanding.

 

Determine early on if there are any religious, cultural, or spiritual beliefs of your Client that may impact the funeral. They may observe very specific traditions related to the funeral and burial. As an example, they may not approve of cremation or embalming. Their beliefs may significantly affect the types of choices they make. A wonderful resource to tap into on this topic are the video sessions for ABODE Academy 4 – Death and Dying: Religious Customs and Rituals: https://abodehome.org/abode-academy-4/.

 

Doulas, as advocates for our Clients, can also assist with arranging services. We can help guide the family with the process to ensure that the services chosen have the most meaning for them and are within their budget. Doulas can also plan and facilitate funeral and memorial services.

 

Remember, It’s important to do your own research on each option so that you understand what’s involved for the family, the processes, as well as the costs. Also, you want to be able to provide your Client with the best and most accurate information to assist with their decision-making process. 

 

Traditional Funeral Home

While this is most certainly not the only option out there, identifying and working with a traditional funeral home can be a way for a Doula to serve the dying person and their loved ones. Funeral homes can often be quite accessible and are filled with caring, sensitive professionals who are well-equipped to handle most death-related needs.  They can:

• Meet the family where they are financially

• Offer services such as wakes and other ceremonies

• Handle and fill out death certificates

• Transport and store the body

• Provide cosmetic services and other death care for viewing of the body

• Embalm the body

 

The Funeral Consumers Alliance of Central Texas (FCACTX), a nonprofit organization providing the community with free information on end-of-life options, publishes periodic pricing surveys on regional funeral homes and cemeteries. You can access the most recent surveys on FCACTX’s site, which provides a plethora of information about regional pricing and outlines specific services that are included (vs. not included) in the prices typically published by funeral homes. 

 

If you or your Client are considering a specific place, request their most recent price list and ask as many questions as needed to ensure that there is clarity on all costs. 

 

It’s important to understand that embalming is not required by law in the United States. It was made popular during the Civil War so families could receive their loved ones' bodies to be buried at home before decomposition set in.  

 

Alternative Options

If a standard funeral with an embalmed body and visitation ceremony is not the choice your Client wishes to make, there are many other options. Some include:

 

• Flame-Based Cremation – This approach uses flame and heat to reduce a human body to bone fragments or cremated remains (aka cremains). The link that follows from the Cremation Association of North America includes a detailed description of the cremation process:

https://www.cremationassociation.org/cremationprocess.html.

 

• Aquamation / Water Cremation / Alkaline Hydrolysis – Human Aquamation is not legal in the state of Texas, however, you can find out more about it here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_cremation.

 

• Natural Burial (sometimes known as “Green Burial”) – This is a simple, more environmentally friendly form of burial that doesn't involve chemicals or concrete, and everything that is buried must be biodegradable – for example, the container and clothing (no polyester). Here are a couple of resources that may be of help:

  • The Green Burial Council outlines the characteristics of a green burial on its website: https://www.greenburialcouncil.org/greenburialdefined.html. 

  • As a part of our Module Resources, there is an Example of Client Report on Green Burial Options Central Texas that provides additional information.

  • ABODE Academy 2, Session 5 – A Good Death: Returning to the Earth: https://abodehome.org/abode-academy2/.

 

• Home Funerals – The National Home Funeral Alliance provides a significant amount of  information on the “how-to’s” of holding funerals at home, as well as a Home Funeral Guide booklet. 

 

• Natural Organic Reduction (NOR) / Human Composting / Terramation – This is an environmentally friendly alternative to traditional options like burials and cremation. To find out a bit more on human composting, take a look at NPR’s recent article. It is not legal in Texas. 

 

• Donation:

  • Tissue, eye, or organ - In Texas, you can register to be a tissue, eye, and organ donor at the Department of Public Safety Driver License division and the Department of Motor Vehicles when applying for or renewing your driver’s license, state ID, or vehicle registration. You can also go directly through Donate Life Texas (which aggregates all registrations) to register.

  • Whole body donation: Willed Body Programs or Whole Body Procurement Programs - FCACTX offers information on both programs, as well as guidance on informed consent and provides a list of suggested questions that you can use when you research and vet body donation options. Also, in ABODE Academy 2, Session 4 – A Good Death: The After Party, we talk about a couple of options for willed body programs: UT Health San Antonio Body Donation Program and The Body Farm, Texas State Department of Anthropology: https://abodehome.org/abode-academy2/.

  • Because there are so many factors that determine whether an organ or a body is able to be accepted at the time of donation, it is a good idea to have back-up options in place as a part of advance care planning.

 

Can you think of others?

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Rituals, Funerals and Ceremonies

Let’s not forget that rituals, funerals, and ceremonies are each a form of legacy. They are ways to honor, extend, and preserve the memories of those who have transitioned. Also, they can be deeply influenced by the Client’s culture, religions, beliefs, and values.

 

End-of-life rituals honoring those who have passed may often include:

• Traditional ways of dress

• Foods that are customary to certain cultures

• Specific ways of mourning or dressing that are reserved for honoring those who have passed.

 

Eulogies are a perfect embodiment of how we carry on the memory of our loved ones. Eulogies can be:

• Written by the person before they die

• Several stories shared by friends and family

• A loved one’s speech/story that shares their special memories conveying someone’s unique personality and characteristics

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Doula Tips:

• Be open to your Client’s cultural and religious uniqueness. This, of course, relies upon your Listening Super Power and being attuned.