EMBRACING THE COMMUNITY

In our modern culture of isolation and disconnection from one another and from ourselves, we can easily forget that in the past, death was a normal rite of passage that happens within a community. The experience of dying usually involved an entire extended family and village.

 

Today, often those who give care believe they are the only ones available to help, even though others may have wanted to participate, but felt chased away.

  

As a Doula, one of the first helpful things you can do is to take stock and identify your Client’s community – the family, friends, neighbors, pets, volunteers, and professional caregivers. Developing community is important work, and the community is a great caregiving resource too often overlooked.

 

Next, find creative ways to integrate your Client's community into the experience of care, so that all those who want to serve can have an opportunity to do so. 

 

Relationships can be tricky, and coordinating relationships can seem like an impossibly intimidating job. Yet it can be helpful to have a road map for those who give care, because often it is the cracks between these complex relationships that the support system around the dying person breaks down.  

 

As you engage with the community, keep lines of communication clear and active. Remember to be tolerant of differences in caregiving styles. Speak from the heart. Listen from the heart and use your deep listening skills. When we listen without interrupting a speaker, the speaker can speak without being afraid of being cut off. And we have a chance to relax into spacious listening without judgment or prejudice.

 

Finally, accept the care that is given with gratitude and know that there is no one right way to take care of a dying person, and most of us do the very best we can.